The Procreation of the Zōion Entomon

I was late for my morning appointment. But at the same time, I was so sleepy. Moment like this makes me wonder where my coffee is?

I paused to imagine… wouldn’t life be a bit more comforting if I could enjoy a cup of freshly brewed coffee that comes with a layer of foamy but thick milk cream? Oh, how I missed the wonderful morning crowd of a cozy cafe where the air is filled with aromatic coffee, and the mere sight of the mouth-watering pastries would destroyed your diet in seconds! I find the rhythmic sound of the cutlery is mesmerising, and I could sit all day long in such a cafe! But of course, they should also have free wifi and a washroom to allow such enjoyment to last.

Hush! Hush!

Hush! Hush!

Anyway, as I was rushing out to get to my appointment, I bumped into these two weird looking insects! I called it the zōion entomon, which is a Greek word for insect. Other times, I would feel squirmy. Oddly, not today! In fact, I managed to capture several positions of  them procreating. Now, says who insects don’t make out in a car? Only in this case, they are too preoccupied ‘doing it’ on the car’s bonnet in broad day light!

I have never seen this ‘creature’ in my life. So, I don’t know what it is. I hope it would not be a pest to plants or humans. Or else, I might feel bad for allowing such ‘call of nature’ took place…

 

 

I am not here!

I have been away from my homeland for over 5 years now. I do not feel at home anymore. Nor do I feel welcome! The politics, people, and environment seem too life threatening for me. Due to this, I have been in hiding. I have not met anyone (the people I know) since I stepped foot on this soil. That was over a year ago. No one has my contact. Just as not many knew of my return.

I am not prepared to meet anyone. Neither do I have the energy to answer heaps of annoying queries. Somehow I felt that catching up with them is like feeding the trollers. So, for the past one year since I was forced to return, I did not venture out much. Mainly because I am physically challenged — achilles problem. Also, I don’t feel joy going out anymore.

This behaviour is certainly unhealthy! I am very clear of two things. Living in a private lifestyle is one thing. Deliberately avoiding ‘friends’ is another. I have bumped into one of my long time ‘friends’ twice in a shop. I literally hide in between an aisle to avoid her. I peeped and listened to her conversation at the cashier, just so I know she is done with her payment and left the shop! This is so sad! What is going on with me?

Have I lost trust in mankind? Why do I feel life is too risky for me to be here?

Sprained foot

Just woke up to discover a new injury. I sprained my good foot in my sleep! How can this even happened? Apparently, it can! And unfortunately, I cannot say this is a new experience.

Great! Now what? Not only I had just a few too little sleep, both my foot are now in pain with different issues. If only the pain will disappear as how it had mysteriously appeared in the first place.

With injured feet, I am not sure if I can managed the stairs here. I might be bed-ridden again!

The Journey to No Where

Everyone else is sound asleep except me >.<

Everyone else is sound asleep except me >.<

It is after midnight here. I have not entirely unpacked. All my luggage is finally in my room. This was not an easy task because the room I am temporary staying is located one floor up. I have enough trouble getting myself up to the room. There is no way I could do that with the luggage. So, I had to rely on the kindness of other tenants to help carry the luggage. They will only do so, as and when, they are passing by my room. Hence, my luggage took such a long time to arrive!

Now, let’s reflect on my horrendous journey which I had recently been through.

While I was waiting for the boarding gate to open at the airport, I noticed one very important document sticking out from my passport. That was the outgoing passenger card which was supposed to be collected by the border’s personnel at the checkpoint! How can the document is still with me?! Presumably, they must have overlooked and forgotten to take it out! This worried me. I don’t want to be blame for the mistake of others. Fortunately, I saw an airport personnel, Dennis – there was a name tag on his shirt, walked pass. I stopped him and asked for his help to return the card to the relevant authority. The border check point was too far from where I was and in my tired/painful situation, I was unable to walk back and fro again. After explaining to Dennis, he too agreed the Border was careless, and was kind enough to return the card on behalf of me. I sure hope he did!

Soon after, it was time for boarding. To my dismay, the seating arrangements were different from the layout shown on the airline’s website. I felt a little cheated for paying for seat selection as it wasn’t true to what was advertised.

I was seated next to the window, securing a clear take off view. An image of this wonderful land of Oz that I am unsure of when we will meet again!  A great moment of silence in my heart while the plane preparing to take off. Indeed, I felt heavy to leave, and so was the plane! The pressure from the take off was so strong. I was pulled me back to my seat for as long as I could remembered!

I must say that the unpleasant journey began with the departure! The person sat next to me was huge! I felt sorry for him as the seat is too small for his size. Having said that, for him to past on his problem to me is rather uncalled for. He was practically pushing the arm rest with his body while manoeuvring throughout his sleep, hence, was leaning on me. Truth is, I felt rather annoyed to have his body leaned against my injured arm and hand the whole time. To make things worse, he also occupied my side of the leg room. If I am a healthy person, I might excused his ignorance. Due to my physical health conditions, it is very important that I get enough leg room. I felt so uncomfortable having to battle with his thigh and foot invasion. I had to push his body parts away the entire night and it was a bloody 8.5hours flight! Oh, did I also mention that I decided to give up my prepaid window seat to swap place with him? I can’t bear being squashed to the window if I don’t!

Having to wait at the end of the stairway below the plane for the wheelchair alone is not something fun to do early morning!

Having to wait at the end of the stairway below the plane for the wheelchair alone is not something fun to do early morning!

Finally, we have landed after a torturous night without any sleep! I was the last person to disembark from the plane as I needed a wheel chair. However, I was made to wait by myself at the end of the stairway of the plane for a good 5-8mins before the sight of a wheel chair is visible. I must admit I was rather worried being in the open space alone with planes taxi-ing all over the place.

About 45mins later, I was out of the terminal. I purchased a pre-paid taxi and another 1 hour cab ride began. Finally, I arrived to where I am now. Feeling extremely exhausted and lacked of sleep, I was zonked! I skipped dinner that night. I can’t seemed to gather enough energy to leave the room.

I guess it took me quite a few days to recover from my jet-legged.

It is too soon to think of NY resolution?

What is your NY resolution? This never bothers me as I don’t make one. But somehow I have the sudden urge to want to live a healthy lifestyle which I have started some 4-5 months ago since I have been so ill. I see positive changes in my body despite i am still suffering physical injury and pain. And it helps to ease my TSW journey too.
So, have you started to think of your NY resolution?

Is There Life After Ph.D?

It has been over a month since I am officially awarded with a Ph.D. However, there is no glory that comes together with this highest form of  academic achievement. And you may wonder how could this be? Let me slowly unfold the story of my life which I hope by blogging will help me get through this darkest point of my life.

Hi, I am Dr. Cherry Blossom. I am unemployed, sick and suicidal! :O

Don’t get me wrong, this unemployment is not due to my inability to secure a job. This is a result of the highly bureaucratic arrangement of the state that have thrown me into this shit hole. But I am not ready to discuss about this matter any further.

My current battle besides unemployment is my health. I am suffering from a kind of topical dermatitis that is known as pompholyx where this is a kind of eczema that grows on the hand and feet. This has been going on for almost a year. Initially, I have no idea of what it was even after travelling to two different countries for the consultations of  5 doctors and a pharmacist.

Flaky and inflamed palm

Flaky and inflamed palm

It hurts when I try to wear my shoes and walk in it.

It hurts when I try to wear my shoes and walk in it.

Not only their prescriptions of topical steroid did not helped, but it has gotten far worse. My skin is now addicted to steroid due to the prescription. I went cold turkey with the steroid once I figured out what I am going through. I am over a month into my Topical Steroid Withdrawal (TSW) journey, otherwise known as an introduction to hell. Here are two photos to show you what I am going through at the moment. There are other affected areas which I am not showing as it doesn’t matter anyway.

*NOTE to self: I have far too many health issues that cannot be uncovered in one post. I shall delved into this area gradually next time.

To make matter worse, I am also suffering from tendonitis which started almost at the same time with my eczema problem. Due to the achilles injury, I could not bear any pressure of standing up for over a minute or two. The wonderful activity of going for a scroll at the park or window shopping at the mall would send me straight back to the wheelchair and bedridden for weeks! I cannot help but feeling depress and useless every other second of the day. I find that I am unable to bring myself together to kickstart a new beginning.Life has been really harsh to me. The constitutional and geographical separation of me and my loved ones have gravely impacted my daily routine and my mental stability.  There are so many things waiting for me to complete but what I have done is just lying in bed as if waiting for Godot! This is sad! I am not even half the person that I use to be. I have lost all my desire, my goals and fighting spirit in life.

So, I asked… what the hell am I doing with my doctorate? Years ago, I resigned from a job that had provided me a luxurious lifestyle. I have made a decision to go through a torturous and mentally draining journey for an over-rated title described by the educated elitist in this literate society – which I am self-doubting the worthiness of these sacrifices now!

Alas, I have become more useless and depress than I could have ever imagined in my life! So, help me God! Happy Thanksgiving, Folks!