The End of 2013

I guess it’s customary to wish everyone Happy New Year. My wish for 2014 is to regain my life, my health – to be itches-free, rashes-free, flares-free, eczema-free, allergy-free, being able to walk, stand and run, being employed and regain my high flying position, be happy, and get to stay happily together with my loved ones, and never to part again.

I am still sick in bed. The ice bag is still sitting next to my chin. Moving from one area to another trying to cool down the burning sensation. My head is feeling heavy due to interrupted sleep and also lack of sleep for many nights.

I can still hear the sound of fireworks every now and then. But the rumbling sound of my hungry tummy is just as loud as the fireworks. Many people are uploading their happy moments celebrating NYE on FB. I could only browse through them in sadness. I have stayed in this room for over 30hours. Too sick to leave the bedroom if it wasn’t for the desperation to get ice for my skin. The ice supply is also getting extremely low. At one stage, I ran out of ice. I ended up buying 2 bags of ice from the nearby 7-11. One for yesterday and another today. Very likely, I might have to do so for tomorrow too.

I am not envious of people enjoying their NYE in public at all. I just wish to have a peaceful sleep without any flares tonight. I needed a good rest. My right eye lid is affected by the flares. The lid becomes dopier than it is, sort of covering a little of my pupil. The flares has caused my complexion becomes darker on my face, chin, and neck. There are still red bums on them too. The affected areas are burning hot.

I feel so lonely, depress and sad suffering alone here and lying in bed in total darkness. My thought goes to my loved ones who is fast asleep in another country. This makes me feel even sadder. How I wish we could be together. How I wish I have someone to share this pain with me now.

My dear Lord, don’t you think I have suffered enough? Don’t you think I have learnt my lesson? Can I have back what were taken away from me? My health, my wealth, my love, my life, my sanity, my dignity, my self esteem, my everything. Please?

Never-ending torment

Thinking back, I have been suffering in sickness and other unfortunate series for ages. For instance, this time last year I was bedridden for over months!

Lord, I know you can take all these pain and suffering away instantly! Please don’t hesitate any further. It is just too unbearable.

Grinch!

My health is still deteriorating fast. Lying in bed sick is not the ideal way to spend Christmas eve. And being alone is making it sad! Grinch must have stolen Christmas!

Earlier today, I had to cancel my attendance to my former student’s wedding dinner which is happening this weekend. This is very unfortunate because I was looking forward to it. However, my condition doesn’t look too promising. Not only I will look terrible at the event, I feel horrible and uneasy too. I am just too uncomfortable to be sitting still or appear in public for long.

To everyone out there who is in celebration tonight, I wish you a blessed Merry Christmas. Say a little prayer for me to regain my health, my family and my life. All I want for Christmas is to have my decent life back in order to live happily and healthily with the love of my life and family. No more suffering and trauma, I ask from you, my Lord!

O.M.G!!!

Oh, MY GOD! I received God’s reply today!

Finally, my loved ones is granted the verbal permission by his company for a relocation! I pray the written approval will come soon.

And if everything turns out right, we will be able to stay together as a family. I am closed to tears thinking about this.

Nothing will boost my morale more than having my loved ones beside me while I am battling with depression, sickness and unemployment.

This is such a wonderful news after being kept in the darkness for a long time. I pray that the board of directors will not change their minds and the company will stick to this decision. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Thank YOU, my LORD!