I have been away from my homeland for over 5 years now. I do not feel at home anymore. Nor do I feel welcome! The politics, people, and environment seem too life threatening for me. Due to this, I have been in hiding. I have not met anyone (the people I know) since I stepped foot on this soil. That was over a year ago. No one has my contact. Just as not many knew of my return.
I am not prepared to meet anyone. Neither do I have the energy to answer heaps of annoying queries. Somehow I felt that catching up with them is like feeding the trollers. So, for the past one year since I was forced to return, I did not venture out much. Mainly because I am physically challenged — achilles problem. Also, I don’t feel joy going out anymore.
This behaviour is certainly unhealthy! I am very clear of two things. Living in a private lifestyle is one thing. Deliberately avoiding ‘friends’ is another. I have bumped into one of my long time ‘friends’ twice in a shop. I literally hide in between an aisle to avoid her. I peeped and listened to her conversation at the cashier, just so I know she is done with her payment and left the shop! This is so sad! What is going on with me?
Have I lost trust in mankind? Why do I feel life is too risky for me to be here?
Cherry Blossom ... 