I am not here!

I have been away from my homeland for over 5 years now. I do not feel at home anymore. Nor do I feel welcome! The politics, people, and environment seem too life threatening for me. Due to this, I have been in hiding. I have not met anyone (the people I know) since I stepped foot on this soil. That was over a year ago. No one has my contact. Just as not many knew of my return.

I am not prepared to meet anyone. Neither do I have the energy to answer heaps of annoying queries. Somehow I felt that catching up with them is like feeding the trollers. So, for the past one year since I was forced to return, I did not venture out much. Mainly because I am physically challenged — achilles problem. Also, I don’t feel joy going out anymore.

This behaviour is certainly unhealthy! I am very clear of two things. Living in a private lifestyle is one thing. Deliberately avoiding ‘friends’ is another. I have bumped into one of my long time ‘friends’ twice in a shop. I literally hide in between an aisle to avoid her. I peeped and listened to her conversation at the cashier, just so I know she is done with her payment and left the shop! This is so sad! What is going on with me?

Have I lost trust in mankind? Why do I feel life is too risky for me to be here?

The Journey to No Where

Everyone else is sound asleep except me >.<

Everyone else is sound asleep except me >.<

It is after midnight here. I have not entirely unpacked. All my luggage is finally in my room. This was not an easy task because the room I am temporary staying is located one floor up. I have enough trouble getting myself up to the room. There is no way I could do that with the luggage. So, I had to rely on the kindness of other tenants to help carry the luggage. They will only do so, as and when, they are passing by my room. Hence, my luggage took such a long time to arrive!

Now, let’s reflect on my horrendous journey which I had recently been through.

While I was waiting for the boarding gate to open at the airport, I noticed one very important document sticking out from my passport. That was the outgoing passenger card which was supposed to be collected by the border’s personnel at the checkpoint! How can the document is still with me?! Presumably, they must have overlooked and forgotten to take it out! This worried me. I don’t want to be blame for the mistake of others. Fortunately, I saw an airport personnel, Dennis – there was a name tag on his shirt, walked pass. I stopped him and asked for his help to return the card to the relevant authority. The border check point was too far from where I was and in my tired/painful situation, I was unable to walk back and fro again. After explaining to Dennis, he too agreed the Border was careless, and was kind enough to return the card on behalf of me. I sure hope he did!

Soon after, it was time for boarding. To my dismay, the seating arrangements were different from the layout shown on the airline’s website. I felt a little cheated for paying for seat selection as it wasn’t true to what was advertised.

I was seated next to the window, securing a clear take off view. An image of this wonderful land of Oz that I am unsure of when we will meet again!  A great moment of silence in my heart while the plane preparing to take off. Indeed, I felt heavy to leave, and so was the plane! The pressure from the take off was so strong. I was pulled me back to my seat for as long as I could remembered!

I must say that the unpleasant journey began with the departure! The person sat next to me was huge! I felt sorry for him as the seat is too small for his size. Having said that, for him to past on his problem to me is rather uncalled for. He was practically pushing the arm rest with his body while manoeuvring throughout his sleep, hence, was leaning on me. Truth is, I felt rather annoyed to have his body leaned against my injured arm and hand the whole time. To make things worse, he also occupied my side of the leg room. If I am a healthy person, I might excused his ignorance. Due to my physical health conditions, it is very important that I get enough leg room. I felt so uncomfortable having to battle with his thigh and foot invasion. I had to push his body parts away the entire night and it was a bloody 8.5hours flight! Oh, did I also mention that I decided to give up my prepaid window seat to swap place with him? I can’t bear being squashed to the window if I don’t!

Having to wait at the end of the stairway below the plane for the wheelchair alone is not something fun to do early morning!

Having to wait at the end of the stairway below the plane for the wheelchair alone is not something fun to do early morning!

Finally, we have landed after a torturous night without any sleep! I was the last person to disembark from the plane as I needed a wheel chair. However, I was made to wait by myself at the end of the stairway of the plane for a good 5-8mins before the sight of a wheel chair is visible. I must admit I was rather worried being in the open space alone with planes taxi-ing all over the place.

About 45mins later, I was out of the terminal. I purchased a pre-paid taxi and another 1 hour cab ride began. Finally, I arrived to where I am now. Feeling extremely exhausted and lacked of sleep, I was zonked! I skipped dinner that night. I can’t seemed to gather enough energy to leave the room.

I guess it took me quite a few days to recover from my jet-legged.

Not looking forward to it!

I went out to get a wedding present for one of my former students who is getting marry at the end of this month. Fortunately, the shopping center has a loan facility for scooter for the disabled. Truth is, I am not prepared to be in the public, let alone to catch up with ‘friends’ at the wedding dinner. But I don’t want to disappoint my former student and it is an honour to be invited to be a part of such an important life event.

It’s freezing here in Summer. There was hail storm earlier today too. I am feeling tired and demotivated! And I still haven’t done any packing for today. I need to get everything packed before going to bed tonight. Tomorrow will be flying off – sigh!