My last posting right before I boarded the plane to a ‘NeverLand’ was almost 2 months ago. My life has not improved since I got here. I fell into a great depression and every night I ended in tears until I drown myself to sleep.
I went through excruciating pain and ordeal with my foot injury. Soon after two weeks of the unknown foot injury, the pain spread to the back of the Achilles. To make matter worse, due to excessive usage of the other good leg, it has now became injured. Yes, same spot with the same kind of injury.
At this point, I was unable to step both my feet on the ground, let alone trying to stand up. Walking is completely out out question. And I dare not even dream of running, hopping, and jumping! I was put on steroid for a week due to the acute pain. No injection is possible because of the location of the pain. If done wrongly, it may even cause eruption of the tendon!
After all these while I am still relying on a crutches. My legs are weak at times, and I most certainly can’t climb the stairs without extensive effort and holding onto something. For the past 1 month while I was terribly sick, I was bedridden, and only managed to go to the bathroom. And that wasn’t without any drama! I was also infected with some kind of viral infection. I had high fever, and my body trembles in cold sweat. I could barely open my eyes. Thankfully, that last only over a week. But it was bad enough to make me feel so sick and weak.
Soon after, I begin to feel so depress. Nothing in the world would interests me. I also begin to cut tides with the people whom I have known for ages — but with no prior contacts i.e. meet ups. I unfriended a handful of people on facebook too. Having to loose my precious iPhone was devastating. I took that opportunity to literately cut tides. No one has my new contact now. You might wonder if that is the case, why would I need to keep any number to begin with. I guess with the convergence in technology and communication, an iPhone is not just for the purpose of making calls.
As days gone by, there were moments (I won’t event say days) where I felt good. But there were also times when I felt so down right horrible. I guess this is what depression does to you. One moment you are so cheery, and the next you may be howling and crying your heart out!
I am not on any medication to alter my mood. I am just trying to survive from one day to another. I could not bother to think of what is going to happen next week or next month. That is too much to handle for my current emotional state. Breathing in and out could be the only solution right now.
As for my feet, I am taking multivitamins with mineral to try to enhance their strentgh. Once I could get stronger I might have to do some aqua theraphy on my own. I could not afford physiotherapy, so I would have to find alternatives.
March is a busy month for me. There are so many deadlines, and catching up to do due to my long absence from work. I wanted to quit but I am given with no such option. I guess this is one of the endurement tests that I have go through.
For now, I just need to make it until the second week of April…
Cherry Blossom ... 