Day 4

I am invited to a dinner party tonight by the owner of this temporary residence where I am staying at the moment. The party is a celebration of the Chinese Winter Solstice festival. Apparently, this is the final and the biggest celebration in the Chinese calendar. But what concerns me is the condition of my health right now. The flare ups are getting worse from the previous day. I am not sure if I can make it out of this room without feeling the extreme discomfort!

Previously, I have some doubt about the sudden break out on my skin. I was suspecting if the marks were due to bed bugs, or the fact that I have been sleeping in a room with no air-conditioning for the past few days! Undoubtedly, the heat has gravely affected me. But judging from the pattern of this flares, I am beginning to believe that it is not bug bites. It is also not allergy because I have been taking Zrytec quite regularly since the flares, and it didn’t help like it used to. So, all I can say is eczema flaring up to another level!

I have been on TSW for about 3 months. Perhaps, it is moving on to another level of challenges. At times like this, I am so tempted to return to steroid! But what good would it gives? It will only screw my life further and I will forever be doomed! So, please help me God!

An early night, I hope…

It’s just past midnight. I think I should start getting ready for bed soon. I have another early appointment first thing in the morning tomorrow, I mean in several hours later. I will need to get up at about 5am which gives me less than 5hours to sleep. I will need to quickly iron some clothes before bed, so that I have more time to get ready later. I planned to leave by quarter past six in the morning to avoid the working hours madness.

Where am I heading to so early? I have a 9.00am appointment at one of the Embassies. I probably will be having coffee somewhere in the city while waiting for the embassy to open. Speaking of that, I need to google map the direction to the Embassy. I have the faintest idea where it is located.

Better go now…

I am not here!

I have been away from my homeland for over 5 years now. I do not feel at home anymore. Nor do I feel welcome! The politics, people, and environment seem too life threatening for me. Due to this, I have been in hiding. I have not met anyone (the people I know) since I stepped foot on this soil. That was over a year ago. No one has my contact. Just as not many knew of my return.

I am not prepared to meet anyone. Neither do I have the energy to answer heaps of annoying queries. Somehow I felt that catching up with them is like feeding the trollers. So, for the past one year since I was forced to return, I did not venture out much. Mainly because I am physically challenged — achilles problem. Also, I don’t feel joy going out anymore.

This behaviour is certainly unhealthy! I am very clear of two things. Living in a private lifestyle is one thing. Deliberately avoiding ‘friends’ is another. I have bumped into one of my long time ‘friends’ twice in a shop. I literally hide in between an aisle to avoid her. I peeped and listened to her conversation at the cashier, just so I know she is done with her payment and left the shop! This is so sad! What is going on with me?

Have I lost trust in mankind? Why do I feel life is too risky for me to be here?

Sprained foot

Just woke up to discover a new injury. I sprained my good foot in my sleep! How can this even happened? Apparently, it can! And unfortunately, I cannot say this is a new experience.

Great! Now what? Not only I had just a few too little sleep, both my foot are now in pain with different issues. If only the pain will disappear as how it had mysteriously appeared in the first place.

With injured feet, I am not sure if I can managed the stairs here. I might be bed-ridden again!

“Out of the frying pan into the fire!”

Life is at a stand still. I’m going through physical torment and mental abuse. As much as I like to spew it all on my blog, I strongly believe my life will be in jeopardy if words are out.
Here I am sitting on my bed suffering from great pain. Several days ago, for no apparent reason, my hammer toe is sprained and the entire foot is swollen. Anyone who has a hammer toe or has seen one would understand the fragility of this form of toes.
This morning, out of the blue, my achilles from the same foot is in pain as well. The pain (I’m guessing it is from the tendon) is pulling right up to the buttocks. Already I have difficulty standing and walking using the crutches, now — any movement from my injured leg excruciates the pain.
You might think this is the best time to rest. But let me assure you that it is completely the opposite. My professional commitments are pilling up; they are due and need to be attended to as soon as possible. To make matter worse, I am 4000 miles away — trying to attend to my personal commitments.
So, how am I not out of the frying pan into the fire?