A year ago I started this blog to document my life that was given a second chance. Only did I not know this life was actually going through hell for the second time. And the torturing has been intensified each day without mercy. Having to charge through this hell of fire alone is not only tormenting but also has suck out heaps of my light and energy. The light to survive is getting dimmer and flickering in search of mercy from the Almighty.
I am pretty sure there are plenty others who are suffering twice or more than me. But this doesn’t make my pain any easier. The problem always seem to be bigger because they are mine! So, said Ally McBeal. And I can only second her account.
It’s almost dinner time here. I have no food gone into my stomach since last night. I wasn’t on a hunger strike. I am just too sick to leave the room for food. The ice bag won’t last me long enough to shop for food. And 1 minute without an ice bag would allow my entire body to flare up instantly. Yes, this is how severe my situation is! I haven’t been able to get much sleep last night either. Every hour I had to get ice. And going up and down the stairs had taken a toll on my knees and legs.
Time really flies. Been a year now. Yet, my pathetic sad depressed unhealthy life has not improved a bit. It only gotten worse.
What in the world have I sinned to be punished like this? Is this karma? If yes, I beg for forgiveness. I would go down on my knees and cry for mercy, If only I could bend them without any problems. Regardless of what you think, this is part of life’s suffering. And we are not chosen to go through suffering for no reasons. Situation like these have forced me to think that I must have sinned. While others may think I am a chosen one and it is a blessing; and while I believe too, but at the same time I am just a homo sapien! For heaven sake, I cannot handle this. I am too weak for this. It has been going on since my teenage life time. When will it stop? Till the day I die? And will they be more punishment while waiting for Judgment Day? And what would my sentence be then?
While everyone is out partying or getting ready to do so for the 2013 countdown, I am stuck in my bed hungry & terribly sick, helpless, praying hard for a rash free, itch free, eczema free, sick free life!
I need to get more ice…
Cherry Blossom ... 