Just woke up to discover a new injury. I sprained my good foot in my sleep! How can this even happened? Apparently, it can! And unfortunately, I cannot say this is a new experience.
Great! Now what? Not only I had just a few too little sleep, both my foot are now in pain with different issues. If only the pain will disappear as how it had mysteriously appeared in the first place.
With injured feet, I am not sure if I can managed the stairs here. I might be bed-ridden again!
It has been over a month since I am officially awarded with a Ph.D. However, there is no glory that comes together with this highest form of academic achievement. And you may wonder how could this be? Let me slowly unfold the story of my life which I hope by blogging will help me get through this darkest point of my life.
Hi, I am Dr. Cherry Blossom. I am unemployed, sick and suicidal! :O
Don’t get me wrong, this unemployment is not due to my inability to secure a job. This is a result of the highly bureaucratic arrangement of the state that have thrown me into this shit hole. But I am not ready to discuss about this matter any further.
My current battle besides unemployment is my health. I am suffering from a kind of topical dermatitis that is known as pompholyx where this is a kind of eczema that grows on the hand and feet. This has been going on for almost a year. Initially, I have no idea of what it was even after travelling to two different countries for the consultations of 5 doctors and a pharmacist.
Flaky and inflamed palm
It hurts when I try to wear my shoes and walk in it.
Not only their prescriptions of topical steroid did not helped, but it has gotten far worse. My skin is now addicted to steroid due to the prescription. I went cold turkey with the steroid once I figured out what I am going through. I am over a month into my Topical Steroid Withdrawal (TSW) journey, otherwise known as an introduction to hell. Here are two photos to show you what I am going through at the moment. There are other affected areas which I am not showing as it doesn’t matter anyway.
*NOTE to self: I have far too many health issues that cannot be uncovered in one post. I shall delved into this area gradually next time.
To make matter worse, I am also suffering from tendonitis which started almost at the same time with my eczema problem. Due to the achilles injury, I could not bear any pressure of standing up for over a minute or two. The wonderful activity of going for a scroll at the park or window shopping at the mall would send me straight back to the wheelchair and bedridden for weeks! I cannot help but feeling depress and useless every other second of the day. I find that I am unable to bring myself together to kickstart a new beginning.Life has been really harsh to me. The constitutional and geographical separation of me and my loved ones have gravely impacted my daily routine and my mental stability. There are so many things waiting for me to complete but what I have done is just lying in bed as if waiting for Godot! This is sad! I am not even half the person that I use to be. I have lost all my desire, my goals and fighting spirit in life.
So, I asked… what the hell am I doing with my doctorate? Years ago, I resigned from a job that had provided me a luxurious lifestyle. I have made a decision to go through a torturous and mentally draining journey for an over-rated title described by the educated elitist in this literate society – which I am self-doubting the worthiness of these sacrifices now!
Alas, I have become more useless and depress than I could have ever imagined in my life! So, help me God! Happy Thanksgiving, Folks!
Cherry Blossom ... 
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