I am not here!

I have been away from my homeland for over 5 years now. I do not feel at home anymore. Nor do I feel welcome! The politics, people, and environment seem too life threatening for me. Due to this, I have been in hiding. I have not met anyone (the people I know) since I stepped foot on this soil. That was over a year ago. No one has my contact. Just as not many knew of my return.

I am not prepared to meet anyone. Neither do I have the energy to answer heaps of annoying queries. Somehow I felt that catching up with them is like feeding the trollers. So, for the past one year since I was forced to return, I did not venture out much. Mainly because I am physically challenged — achilles problem. Also, I don’t feel joy going out anymore.

This behaviour is certainly unhealthy! I am very clear of two things. Living in a private lifestyle is one thing. Deliberately avoiding ‘friends’ is another. I have bumped into one of my long time ‘friends’ twice in a shop. I literally hide in between an aisle to avoid her. I peeped and listened to her conversation at the cashier, just so I know she is done with her payment and left the shop! This is so sad! What is going on with me?

Have I lost trust in mankind? Why do I feel life is too risky for me to be here?

Sprained foot

Just woke up to discover a new injury. I sprained my good foot in my sleep! How can this even happened? Apparently, it can! And unfortunately, I cannot say this is a new experience.

Great! Now what? Not only I had just a few too little sleep, both my foot are now in pain with different issues. If only the pain will disappear as how it had mysteriously appeared in the first place.

With injured feet, I am not sure if I can managed the stairs here. I might be bed-ridden again!

“Out of the frying pan into the fire!”

Life is at a stand still. I’m going through physical torment and mental abuse. As much as I like to spew it all on my blog, I strongly believe my life will be in jeopardy if words are out.
Here I am sitting on my bed suffering from great pain. Several days ago, for no apparent reason, my hammer toe is sprained and the entire foot is swollen. Anyone who has a hammer toe or has seen one would understand the fragility of this form of toes.
This morning, out of the blue, my achilles from the same foot is in pain as well. The pain (I’m guessing it is from the tendon) is pulling right up to the buttocks. Already I have difficulty standing and walking using the crutches, now — any movement from my injured leg excruciates the pain.
You might think this is the best time to rest. But let me assure you that it is completely the opposite. My professional commitments are pilling up; they are due and need to be attended to as soon as possible. To make matter worse, I am 4000 miles away — trying to attend to my personal commitments.
So, how am I not out of the frying pan into the fire?